Living at home these past couple of months has been incredibly challenging, for different reasons than I anticipated. As well as Alzheimer's my mum has a macular hole, meaning that sometimes she can't see what's right in front of her face.
Take someone with short term memory issues and add an inability to process visual information and you're left with an incredibly frustrating situation. Sometimes it's like watching a baby trying to put the shape in the wrong hole in one of those toys. The end result is that she is getting frustrated at not being able to complete simple tasks (fastening a seatbelt, plugging in phones, replying to messages) which leads to crying, and me being the bad guy for trying to help out.
At first getting yelled at daily really got to me. Now I understand that it isn't me being yelled at, she's just frustrated that she can't express herself fully and I'm there. Sometimes I leave her to struggle on with a task, other times I help. Neither is the correct answer and so then I'm left frustrated that I can't help out without it being perceived as insulting.
In a couple of weeks she's supposed to be having the macular hole fixed, which could be transformative. It could help give her some confidence back and might stop her from feeling so helpless most of the time. One of the things she is excited about it being able to drive again, although this is not guaranteed. I can't say this to her but I don't think she should be getting back on the roads, when she can't navigate from fridge to cooker without a detour to the dishwasher, cupboard and hallway. I'm worried about her safety.
On top of this her stomach is causing her near constant discomfort and pain, yet most of the time she refuses anti-acids. She is absolutely terrified that if she tells the doctor he will take her off the medication (which she doesn't think is working anyway) and then she will decline. I wish I could go with her to the doctor's to discuss what she is feeling but work gets in the way.
Is it possible to do it all? How do parents with small children cope? Do they feel trapped all the time, constantly inadequate, guilty and frustrated? Does feeling like this make me a bad person?
