An Introduction

About 7 months ago I found out that my Mum potentially had Alzheimer's  And that for the previous month she'd been off work and in and out of doctors appointments, but had decided not to tell me. Getting bad news is always devastating, but getting it when you've moved to a new place and have no friends there to support you it can make you feel quite isolated.

Over the next 7 months she went through more tests, referrals and various other appointments until it was officially diagnosed by a specialist at UCL in the middle of March. My Mum is 53.

You always think your parents will be there for the crucial moments in your life - the celebrations, the hard times. You think they will be there to offer support, advice and wisdom, of course you might not take it or agree with it, but its nice to know it's there. But now it looks like that isn't going to be the case, and that's hard to hear. Especially as with Alzheimer's you can touch and see the person you know and love, but they won't be there. They'll have faded in front of you and lost themselves. Or be upset and angry and frustrated and unable to function.

Today I read a piece in the Times about a girl whose father had been diagnosed and within 2 years he had faded terribly. And that scared me. Her stories about how he couldn't look after himself and was in a home upset me, as I know one day it might well get to that. Maybe.  Mum has always been clear and had a living will about how she wants to live her life. At some predetermined point, she wants to be able to just stop, not be put through the indignity of needing someone else to "wipe her bum". This doesn't come as a surprise, she's seen her mother and grandmother live with this disease, she knows the gruesome truth. Growing up she always joked about cyanide pills in her back teeth, saying that when the time came she'd probably be too gaga to be able to bite down. Knowing that it's what she wants doesn't make it easier to think about though, even if I do agree with the idea.

When that time comes I hope that this country has come to its senses so that we don't have to be afraid.

Right now I'm afraid that this is my future. And here is where I'm going to try and process some of the stuff that is going through my head as my family goes along this journey because it's not always easy to talk about.