Perceptions

When you think of someone with Alzheimer's you think of someone older, white haired and a little bit frail. The disease doesn't show itself physically, so when you are faced with a 50 year old who is struggling, panicing in shops and is afraid to go somewhere new it can be difficult to deal with and explain.

In this society if we see someone who is old struggling to remember and having difficulties with simple tasks we tend to give them time and offer to help. Is it the same with someone showing the same symptoms but much younger? I'm not so sure. I find it hard to leave my mum to just do things at her own pace, I feel like if I help then it'll be appreciated. But it isn't. She finds it frustrating not being able to do things on her own, or having things done for her, in the same way those around her find it tough to watch her struggle or get frustrated when meal prep lasts over 2 hours instead of 2 minutes.

Patience is a virtue I'm having to learn. On the phone I let her talk and take the conversation where she wants, I don't press for details on the progress of the disease or ask for details if things are unclear. If I've heard the story before I don't mention it. In person patience for me has meant sitting back and doing nothing. Disrupting her routines and processes upsets her, so lazy and uncaring as it appears, sometimes the best thing I can do to help is to do nothing at all. Anything that stops the onset of crying is good.

As time passes I'm sure the kind of help required will change. And we'll have to deal with that when it comes. Will I be able to cope with watching her wither in front of me? I don't know, but I'll sure as hell do my best to be there in a way that works for us.