Ghosts from the Past

This weekend I took my lovely boyfriend home to meet my Mum. Before the event I was worried about how she would behave and whether I would end up in my standard ball of stress like I do every time I spend time with her.

For the most part I had nothing to worry about. My mum is absolutely smitten with him and keeps asking me why I kept him hidden for so long. For the record I didn't hide it, she just happens to be hundreds of miles away and forgetful. I can never escape the stress completely, there were a couple of melt down moments and a few times she started crying and shouting at me, but never in front of him. I think because he didn't see that side of her he found some of my treatment of her a bit cold.

Maybe I am cold and callous towards her and the situation at times, but emotionally detaching myself from it all is the way I've learned to cope. This is a throwback from my teenage years where I kept everything inside and that didn't end well at all. He made the point that I need to think about whether, if I was in her situation, I would be happy to be treated the way I speak to her. I think I would be, but I'm not sure. That comment left me crying at brunch and left him feeling a little bit awkward, understandably.

Whilst I was up in Scotland my flatmate went out with my work friends and ended up meeting the guy I was seeing last summer and now they are talking. Talk about a small world! I think I'm ok with it all, but I don't want her to get hurt in the way I did. Nearly 10 months on and I've still not had an apology but he has suggested meeting up because he wants to clear the air.

I'm not sure I want to go through with it, but I think I should probably be an adult about it all. I mean thanks to the way things turned out I now have an amazing man and what some may even call a proper grown up relationship. He knows all about this, but I'm still worried that in some way meeting up to maybe get an apology will hurt him. Who can tell.